I have been working through some deep, old inner traumas this month.
Doing the same healing work I do with women, healing my own traumas, opening up to even more trust, safety, impact and money – with my own support system.
And just like I do with my clients and students, this weekend, I went deep.
Like deep, deep.
I hit magic.
That little girl magic that shoots golden sparkles up our spine, unlocking the energy we always knew we had inside, yet couldn’t quite touch, until now.
So how does this happen?
1. Acknowledging and Connecting with Inner Stuckness
I re-connected with a memory from when I was seven years old, going into grade two of elementary school.
I began by pulling out photographs of me at the age the trauma took place, and invested time studying them, until I could “feel” those times, those old memories, present in my bones.
How I deal with traumatic memories is by beginning with the basic intellectual foundation that, when there’s a trauma -especially something that happened at a young age, our minds disconnect it from conscious memory, to prevent us from going into dangerous overwhelm.
In other words, like a loving parent shielding us, our amazing bodies block it out from conscious awareness to protect us from the impact of it.
Next, I tune into the wisdom that when our bodies feels safe enough, they will allow the memory back into conscious awareness again, so it can be dealt with, and released once and for all.
Holding onto old traumas creates constriction and health challenges in the body, along with emotional and other uncomfortable conditions, that could end up being chronic – so this is definitely in our best interest.
This why, when my body tells me it’s ready to do this work, I go deep – to address what needs releasing thoroughly, to resolve those old traumas effectively.
2. Commit to doing Whatever It Takes – No Matter How Silly (aka Go Deep)
For me, this past weekend, doing “whatever it takes,” meant a forty-five minute highway trip to a really cool toy store.
I wanted this part of me to feel safe enough to come out and connect with that JOY that underlies all past trauma.
So I also repeated the following mantra in my mind, over and over: “I am safe now, nothing can hurt me now. I am free to be me, to play, to be energetic, to have fun now.”
True to my youngest self, I ran straight for anything to do with cats. Stuffed toys, books, figurines, charm bracelets – whatever I could find.
There I was, a 42-year old woman, embodying her seven year old self as if no time had passed at all.
I gathered 3 stuffed toys: a spotted cheetah-type cat, a grand Lion, and a playful domestic cat.
Books about cats and learning about our bodies as young girls also spoke to me (my particular trauma involved my body), so I chose a handful of those.
A sparkly purple and pink hula hoop, and a giant purple wand that lit up with sparkling light also shrieked to come home with me.
When my arms were completely full, and I double-checked to make sure I had covered every corner of the store, I headed toward the cash register.
Smiling HUGER than I remembered ever smiling, I noticed one more undiscovered area of the store!
I put my things in a basket and practically skipped over to the bedroom-sized area around the corner from the cashier’s area. More to discover!
First was a giant shelf full of Beanie babies. Born in the seventies, I didn’t grow up with them, but there were a TON of different animals…
There must be another cat or two for me to take home here somewhere, I thought.
“Did you know I love horses?” she asked.
She was tall and slender, with sun-kissed golden hair, a bright blue shirt with GirlPower written across the front of it, with dried white liquid across her upper lip. Milkshake moustache, perhaps?
I didn’t have time to ask about that.
She was hurrying to show me how Beanie Babies worked.
They all had special names and ages assigned to them, each and every one.
“Cats? You love cats? Here’s one. Here’s another one. Oh! Look at this one!”
Soon my arms were full as she told me ALL about how she was just leaving grade one, and after the summer she would be in grade two.
“You’re going into grade two?” I asked.
She nodded, and much as I tried to hide it, my eyes were too: with tears….that little girl magic bubbling up and out of me.
We circled the shelves in that final area of the store, until her mom and dad came to find her.
They thanked me for spending time with her, but never would they understand how much was behind my last words to them as I turned away, to pay for my things and make my drive back home.
“No, thank you.”
3. Let Universal Spirit do Her Work
Spirit speaks to us everywhere, Gorgeous.
Just when things feel hard or tough or like our trauma integration and reclaiming our joy will finally ruin us, Spirit steps in and reminds us that we are never alone.
Synchronicity is always ready to dane with us, when we show up for ourselves, and let it.
P.S. If you’re struggling to feel worthy of even doing this work, I feel you, Beautiful! That’s why I created this course at an accessible price point . . . click here to start listening now.